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Hey guys! This week my mom really wanted to write something to put up here and I was happy to hand her the reins! Please enjoy her perspective on our move to France!
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Well folks it was almost three years ago that my husband and I packed up and took our family on this crazy adventure to Strasbourg, France. Each and every one of us has shed some tears, learned about ourselves, failed in some way, become wiser and stronger and we all have pride in our varying accomplishments along this journey.
Our experience as parents hasn't quite been the same as the kids. It doesn't mean they have it easier or harder, it's just different. Although, if you ask the kids, they will tell you we have it easier. I mean come on…the kids have gone to school in French for the last three years. They have to sit in those classrooms and expand their brains to absorb a language that they didn't even want to learn. They had to make friends from a much smaller pool of children. Because let's face it, if the children didn't speak English, then they weren't going to be friends. Over the course of the last three years they have both learned French. It's absolutely amazing. Yet, my husband and I have not. He has an excuse, he works 8 to 10 hours a day. So what is mine?
I will tell you taking care of the family was tough that first year and a half. That is the truth. It was. I had to make friends for everyone and get our social lives moving, I had to figure out the shopping, school, sports, doctors, dentists…. Sounds easy right? Nope! Not if you don´t speak French. In the beginning someone had to manage the meltdowns (grown ups included), keep connected to friends and family back home, learn the names of grocery items in French, and then familiarize myself with new stores and where to find what was needed. Not to mention having to walk everywhere or rely on public transportation. Oh and nipping off to the store once a week just doesn't work anymore because European city living doesn't have a whole lot of food storage space, room or American-sized fridges (Gosh, I miss my American-sized fridge). Sure, there were fun jobs like planning vacations, meeting moms for coffee or afternoon French lunches, walking the dog and exploring the city center. However, the other stuff seemed to take over along with the household chores of cooking and cleaning. So in the end, French kinda took a back seat. I did take a few classes and I have some basics, but not nearly enough. Then that 5 letter word happened. Oh how that nasty 5 letter word just knocked the whole world on itś butt. Everything stopped...including my French. I could have spent lockdown time learning French. NOPE. I decided to enhance my cooking and baking skills, paint and most importantly keep my family from going insane. I also managed to work a bit here and there subbing or teaching but never full time. If you ask me, overall, I think I did a pretty good job...but again I didn't learn French. Meanwhile my super husband even managed to get his French Driver's License during that time. But not me.
So that brings us to 3 years. My kids' French acquisition is through the roof. Where is mine? Covid kept us in a cocoon of English. When restaurants re-opened I learned I had forgotten how to order bubbly water, and ask for the check. It is almost non existent! This not speaking French has also robbed me of friendly banter at the park, chatting in line at the grocery store and most of all from having French friends.
It really is humbling. If I need to make a phone call, I have a child help me because I can´t do it myself. If I have to go to an appointment and I´m not sure there will be an English speaker, I have to ask a child to come along. The kids are in charge of changing their orthodontist and doctors appointments if I can't do it online. The kids are in charge of calling the school if there is a problem or I don´t understand something. If someone comes to the door, the kids call down to speak to them. If I get a phone call I often have to have help as well. As a parent this feels like I´m robbing them of their youth. These are things I should be doing for them. Instead they are doing it for me! I know, I know I could argue it´s good, they are learning to be self sufficient. But there is this nagging guilt. All because I...haven't ...learned... french...
I also think about how I have so much more compassion and understanding for all those immigrants who come to America and don´t speak English. A place who´s Lady Liberty, our national monument says "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.¨ I can't help but think about how cruel Americans have become. The mentality ¨You come to America you should speak English!¨ Many Americans have forgotten their ancestors' journey. There is absolutely no thought about how hard it is to adjust and learn to survive and live and find work in a foreign country, while taking care of a family, dealing with visas, paperwork, daily life, chores etc… with nothing but hopes of a better life for their children. I have so much more compassion for immigrants now because I know the difficulties, the struggles, sometimes the loneliness first hand. Yet, we were not the tired, poor huddled mass that left America to move to France. We left for the experience, the opportunity to grow as humans, and to travel. I have the means to learn French. Yet here I am….dependent upon friends to help with French paperwork, kids calling for appointments and translating with neighbors and Google Translate for emails and documents.
Now, as I think about my new job and being among French speakers, still not knowing the language after three years, I am embarrassed. What it comes down to is I have the desire to learn, but I am scared I can´t. My attention span is withering and studying a language just seems so much harder than anything else I have had to do here. As my kids will point out they did it. So I guess I can too.
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So there you have a little insight from my mother's perspective on our move to France in 2018 and even today. I hope you enjoyed and I hope to see you next week!
Loreleixx
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